When my mind takes over, I tend to get emotional.
I daydream about the past. I reminisce about Clint and I in high school driving through the groves.
About bringing Chloe home to our tiny condo and rocking her in my green chair and just sobbing at the miracle that lay upon my chest.
I think about bringing Tayler into our lives.... and always feeling giulty that I couldn't enjoy her as a baby as much as I did my other two. (PPD and COLIC= No fun)I always spent as much alone time as possible with her, but for some reason I never feel or felt as it was enough. I love my Tay Tay. She changed me!
I think about Clint working overtime every week so we can live the life we want to live. I think about how I adore him more and more everyday.
I remember the surprise of Kylie. I remember the fear, the excitement and nerves. I think now about how she has completed me and how thankful I am for her.
And I look at my life now with a 3, 2, and an almost 1 year old and just die! Really I just die at how far we have come. It makes me proud, it makes me sad to see the years go, it makes me just shutter to think how quickly they are going to continue to go. And I am finally seeing the truth.
As we grow older, life moves faster and faster.--Isn't that th truth?
It makes me wonder if I am doing things right? Am I going to be a Mom that says, "Gosh, If I'd only known" or will I be a mom who is proud of the job she did. I am trying so hard to be the best mom that I know how to be. But what is that?
Do I stay home? Do I work to afford a nicer lifestyle for our family? Do I send Chloe to Preschool, or keep her home with me? Do I go to school now or wait until they are in school?
My mind is spinning! So I've decided to take it day by day..... and love my kids to my heart's fullest capacity each of those days. And really, that's all I can do!
I don't want to regret anything. I have enough regret in my life and I do not want to make anymore mistakes when it comes to raising my family. I love these four people in this house more than words could ever type out and I will continue to strive to be the best everyday for them.
When I get to thinking, I tend to just spiral. Thanks for spiraling with me :)
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4 comments:
We all have the same fears and worries! You are a great momma! Keep it up!
I do know as you said that clint works extra hours so you guys can live the life you want to live. . . I know my life isn't the best it could be without porter home. We have passed up overtime because I know a week from now those new shoes I bought with the overtime money are worthless but the extra time we had all together created memories that last forever. It gets hard to decide what is the best decision to make when there are so many different choices and options each day! You are a good mom and wife aly, and I love that it shows so much in your writing, I love it!
I think no matter what you do or how great a mom you are, everyone always has regrets. We learn with time and age, so of course we will look back and think I wish I would have done..... or if I would have known then what I know now. Its just part of life. But loving them is the most important thing you can do, so you are a great mom! And taking it day by day is all anyone can ask.
Life is good! And I agree I can't believe how fast time is going by. I really just wish I could freeze it for a while. Isn't it funny with the first how you get so excited for each milestone and can't wait for the next step and then with the next (and I'm sure even more the 3rd child) that you almost dread the milestones because that means they are growing up! I agree, taking it day by day is the best way to do it. Because no matter now many plans you make for yourself or your family, God has and will change it with the drop of a hat!
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