Instead of sitting home and sulking by myself I decided to go to Show Low and spend the weekend with Clint's Grandma and cousins and let the girls have a fun Kids Weekend. And fun it was.
Lets Rewind. Before I left I swore to myself... I can't take this anymore, I cant do it by myself... I am going to SNAP at any moment. A Little Pep Talk from my Dad had my spirits back up. I quit feeling sorry for myself.... but had a long drive to do some thinking and reflecting about my life.
A Lot of things in my life make me mad. My past makes me mad. Regret makes me mad. Being uneducated makes me VERY MAD. Not being able to do anything about all of these things makes me mad. My "issues" make me mad. Why does Food control my life???- Makes me mad. Yes I know it sounds Debbie Downer... but these were the things going through my mind as I sped down the B Line.-- My lack of healthy coping mechanisms has gotten the best of me the last couple weeks and it absolutely eats me alive striving to be NORMAL or Handle Stress Normally. Someone Please tell me how, seriously! I think my Parents spent thousands of dollars for me to learn that......
Anyways that all sucks, but when I got to Grandma Linda's house nestled up in the Mountains of Show Low I was greeted by a warm comforting face that melted all of my troubles away. I sat on her floor and we talked. The kids ran wild. We talked. She has 39 years sober in AA and is also a Family counselor. I wanted to just cry in her arms... but I kept composed and simply asked for advice. It was good. She agreed the Eating Disorders are hard. It's not like I can abstain from food. I have to learn to be healthy with it and not just eat to eat and panic when I feel too full. You just deal. "Get to a Meeting" she said. I know, I know... I need to. I just hate being around "sick" people. People who glorify their addiction. So I am in search... in search of a good meeting. (If anyone reading this secretly struggle with eating and want s to go with me, I would love you... just email me, even if I dont know you)
So sitting there listening to her speak from her brain and her heart about all of her struggles and trials made me feel good. Sad for her, but good for me to know that other people struggle. No one's life is too perfect. Here she sat comforting me... when I should have been comforting her. She is the one who just lost her husband 8 months ago. She is amazing. She is COPING with stress... the healthy way. Linda, if you are reading... I look up to you, you are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.
So the sweetness of this trip was to be in a warm house surrounded by family. The adults chat unaffected by Kids running and screaming everywhere (8 to be exact). Life just moves slowly up in the Mountains... there is no stress. No one trying to impress anyone else. It's just casual and I loved it. Maybe I will move to Show Low. (Laughs.... My parents are what keep me here)
So, I am home tonight and ready to tackle the world, I guess. That's all I can do. As Linda told me... "This is something you will battle the rest of your life." Troubles will always be that, just trouble. But there is no sense in running from them, I might as well just grin and bear it.
My kids make every second of my life worth EVERYTHING. Even when the two of them are making the Devil proud... I still beam at their existence. They had the best time this weekend and that was the ultimate goal. all of these things that I have learned from in my life are all for my girls, they will defnitely learn from my struggles and mistakes. C T and K... I adore you girls.
Good Times in SL
Tayler Before bed randomly wanted to take "picture mommy"... and this is it (Don't judge, Im running on little sleep and shower)
and this is her when I said "Enough Baby, it's bed time!"
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9 comments:
Haha I love the picures!! Youre a good Mommy Aly!
Hey!!! I really think you are an amazing person and an amazing mom. I wish I could have gone to Show Low this weekend. Isn't it just the greatest....I miss it!
you're awesome aly. let's have a lunch date! can your mom watch the girls here in m-town and we can go grab a bite real quick? my kids are gone all week. anyway, keep that chin up. love the pics!!
aw aly...these hunting months along with new baby sleepless nights is NOT a good combo! hang in there...!xoxo
tami
here's an idea...drop tay and chloe off with me for some good girl fun! i miss those two!
You have a long life in which to do whatever you want. For now, just try to enjoy your babies. They grow so fast. There will be time for you to accomplish whatever you want in life. Life is a journey and you can design the road as you go along. Know that God is there with you every step of the way. AND make sure to always keep your relationship with Clint #1 because he will be there long after the girls don't need you anymore. And I can't tell you what a blessing that will be! I'm glad you got to spend time with Linda. She is a wise and dear woman! Hugs!
O I love going to Show Low. There's something about the mountains that tend to slow life down just a bit. Doesn't visiting with grandma make life so warm? I'm glad you got to do both this weekend Aly and I am so sorry that you were feeling a bit down in the beginning. It sounds like you got some good advice though from gram! Bring me with you the next time you go up north. <3 u lots
Aly, I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I can't even begin to imagine how you balance your life with three little girls! I got some really good advice last month that I wanted to share with you. I am a really type A personality, I can get a little obsessed with perfection and it has made my life really difficult and stressful in the past. I've recently been dealing with a new issue that I can't "control". Well this is a huge problem because I thrive on being able to control my little world. I know eating disorders can also stem from these same feelings of needing to attain perfection and control. I recently saw a dietitian and she gave me the most simple and amazing advice! She said, I used to be like you. Instead of telling me I need to relax, take a breath, blah blah blah. She told me you just need to "lower your expectations". That was really strange for me to hear. I thought I was always supposed to have high expectations, but what she was telling me made perfect sense! I don't have to have the perfect job, the perfect figure, and the perfect little family. Maybe it will happen maybe it won't. Setting such high expectations for myself is just resulting is disappointment, depression, and generally feeling crappy about myself. I can still be a good person without the job in private practice, without the size 4 jeans, and for now without the little family. Although I don't know how I'll cope if that doesn't come soon :) I envy you! Hope this helps.
I am so incredibly humbled by all of you sweet people. Truely, I love you all. Thank You for being so loyal to my blog :)
Aly, you are so cute! You are so gorgeous and so are all of your kids. I wish I could tell you how to stay sane, but the only things I do is scream in a pillow or cry. Not very effective or helpful, I know. I'm glad you guys got a little break, you deserve it. Get your cousin or someone to babysit one of these nights while Clint is hunting and lets go out.
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